How do you find valid sources and practices? A theory, practice frameworks and experts that can actually help you.
Learn from people who are effortless in the swimming pool you are trying to master. Be careful with people who validate your obsolete beliefs, destructive reactions, and quick fixes.
If your practice is not yet stable, your internal issues may still misguide you. Lead you to sources that will expose you to obsolete views and harm your progress. Reverse your practice results and reestablish old habits. Follow these recommendations to stay on course.
The primary marker is the change of real-life reactions
It is easy to “relate” or feel “connected” to things that sell immediate gratification, the illusion of progress. But our problems in real life persist. The same triggers, the same responses.
Even if a book, video, meditation app, or podcast sounds OK, “resonates with you,” entertains, or calms you down for a while… Stay alert and verify the change outside of the yoga mats or meditation sessions. Especially, when your worst triggers are involved.
Make sure you achieved actual change using this practice. The unwanted emotions no longer arise in real-life situations that triggered them before.
Until you get there, you will need to rely on less definitive, secondary markers.
Secondary markers
- Text reasoning is sound
Not an easy one to validate because of the similarity of the messages out there. So read between the lines to grasp the meaning. And check if the author speaks from experience. - The author has hands-on experience, not merely theoretic knowledge
It is always best to go to the source. Mediators may misinterpret the message and distort the meaning. Even worse, you will be exposed to their implicit agendas, and actual, often unhealthy views. - You feel better during and after the contact
Exposure to constructive views helps you tune in, let go of some of the destructive viewpoints. Reduce tensions that drain you and make you uncomfortable. You may experience higher energy, motivation to act. The world and people around you look friendlier. - Practices ingrained in your culture and language
Consult with worldwide heritage, but make sure to check the practices of the culture you were born into - One functional practice
It is better to use one simple, well-understood practice that does the job. Instead of collecting a library of super practices that are never used (or get you nowhere)
Try to avoid the sources that:
- even implicitly support your obsolete beliefs, reactions, and habits
- offer quick, “guaranteed,” or 10x results achievable via tiny effort
- do not deal with the causes, but only suppress symptoms or distract you
- claim stress can only be reduced, but not prevented (disempower you)
- teach you to model behaviors instead of making them authentic
- someone else does the job, no real effort is required from you
You may get attracted to the physical appearance, celebrity status or popularity. Choose the source for entertainment, not progress.
The network that supports going up
If your friend, coach, or expert is struggling with the same problems as you. They can teach you how to catch the lifebuoy masterfully. But not to swim in the open water.
They may be genuinely interested in helping you, but their version of support will be implicitly biased. They will promote quick fixes, but reinforce the beliefs that support the problem. Keep you in a vicious circle.
Find people who are indeed effortless “in the water.” They have resolved and long forgotten the problems you are struggling with. They are not merely survivors, who still carry on the emotional burden of dealing with the “unfair world”. But those who actually changed. A living example of systems beliefs that do not create destructive reactions.