The bird-eye view
This is how you find and verify both theoretic worldview and the toolbox of practices that go with it:
- Find and learn the theory
How things in my mind work and how I can change them for the better. A scientific (or spiritual) framework of your choice. Keep in mind: whatever system of views your mind provisionally chooses, is not an “objective truth” but a means of working with your concepts to reduce your reliance on them/make your engagements with life events constructive.
Why provisionally? Because any system of views is just a concept and is to be open to review, as soon as it conflicts with your real experiences. - Practice it
Until you reach the 1st successful experience milestone.
The theory is to have a mind training toolbox that belongs to it (e.g. meditation, self-reflection, reframing, etc). This is where you test the theory by applying it to make sure it works for you.
If successful, you will build a sufficient momentum to start the engine of your compound improvement. Reach the first milestone: a successful change of response experience.
External projects — the runway for takeoff
A practice that does not help vital things in your life is meaningless.
What are your most important work/life projects? The key endeavors you wish to engage with constructively, achieve your best. Aspirations or problems you are trying to solve (work, relationships, health, existential issues).
Your life contexts will provide a runway for your practice takeoff. A true project based, experiential learning:
- They conveniently highlight unwanted reactions, and their causes (that would otherwise remain latent, out of reach).
- They can provide an excellent daily stimulus (if the external circumstances or mental wandering are still triggering you).
- Important projects are usually the ones that stress us out the most. We are to tackle the strongest emotions first. Otherwise, they will hinder our work on lesser problems.
Your goal is to clear the important engagements from cognitive distortions. Make them constructive, and rewarding. Conveniently, if you succeed, these would be the markers of your practice progress.
Compassion-based values, goals
Ultimately, any project is a means to a more holistic, compassionate end, part of your life vision. If you keep that in mind it will help clear your motivation for both mind training and external engagements.
Big projects – big problems
Let’s talk about an elephant in the room. Your current emotional problem number one.
Until it is cleared – it will impact everything you do. At work, in relationships, etc.
The most difficult issue that currently impacts your state is the primary target for your practice. Your work on other issues will not be fruitful until you clear (or start reducing) the strongest irritator.
Even if you cannot tackle it immediately and it has been with you since your early years. Do the first steps. Switch from avoiding it to observing it. From relying on workarounds to empowering yourself to finally resolve this.
Deconstruct its supporting causes, brick by brick. Reframe each, practice desired perspectives and responses. Even if it takes months. Every little brick you remove will make your life easier. Improve your energy, productivity, and well-being baseline.
Big issues can rarely be cleared in one go. New situations may reveal residual reactions. Do not get discouraged. Process the newly discovered layer and maintain your mindfulness watch.
Build momentum
The mind learns from each experience, intentionally or mindlessly. Your perception of these experiences and your responses create a memory record — “an investment.” In a “good,” “bad,” or neutral habit.
The downward spiral
If the experiences you accumulate are negative, give rise to destructive responses — you invest in “bad habits.” Repetition of these destructive reactions. Obsolete beliefs that support these reactions become stronger.
Markers of such negative investment:
- you experience destructive states of mind, thoughts, and emotions
- you are unbalanced
- unmotivated
- you have low energy
If you practice positive external behaviors, and model constructive responses, you may still be on a downward spiral. It does not matter if you manage to hide your authentic negative reactions, or not. If reactions arise, their causes are still there.
Sometimes you are doing the right practice, but the effort is insufficient. A positive 1% change is offset by the 99% pull in the opposite direction. E.g. if despite your daily meditation, negative markers persist, you are still on a downward spiral.
Build momentum
Effective mind training helps you switch from a downward to an upward spiral. If you apply sufficient effort (via mindfulness, reframing, Emotional Hygiene, practicing good habits, etc.) — you start moving in the right direction.
Sometimes, your practice needs a little help. The time, distance from usual triggers, often physical rest. You may want to take a day, organize a mini or maxi retreat.
You reduce the inertia of bad habits and increase the momentum of good ones. Until the good ones overpower the bad ones, and eventually fully replace them.
First results
If you are working with emotion, apply initial effort until you experience the tide turning. Persuade your mind. Gain sufficient momentum for it to start choosing the desired response.
The first results are still unstable. If you lose mindfulness and control, the mind may restore old responses.
Finalize
Do not stop at first wins. Continue the effort. Clear remaining doubts, and causes of residual pull in the opposite direction. Make sure the movement in the right direction is irreversible. Your desired response is stable, even if you are not watching closely.
The upward spiral
If experiences you accumulate are positive, give rise to constructive responses — you invest in “good habits.”
Markers:
- you experience constructive states of mind, thoughts, and emotions
- unwanted emotions and thoughts do not arise
- you are balanced
- motivated
- energized
If your practice is well-established, most of your engagements gradually become harmonious. A systems outlook implies holistic change by definition. 360 degrees of constructive engagements. At work, at home, with others, and with ourselves.