What do you build?
Say, you have a mutual trust issue with someone at work (your boss, direct report, or a colleague) – the context.
What’s next?
Distrust is a poor foundation for the next steps
It is insatiable. Even if this person gives you their phone password.
Mind the impact of your lack of trust, until its causes are addressed.
A preventive strike
Even if it is a mere suspicion, be sure — your mind is already acting on it.
You are mentally punishing the other person before you even start talking to them.
Anger, hate, offense
You may be angry at the person, offended for them not trusting you, as you expected them to.
Fears
You may also be afraid of bad outcomes, the consequences of mistrust.
The stronger you cling to benefits you expect from the person — the stronger destructive emotions would be.
The other person is a mirror
We usually expect from people the exact things we would do.
And hate them for it. For being just like us.
Can you trust yourself?
If your destructive emotions are active, your “empathy,” “mindfulness” and “compassion” have an agenda. They also work for your dysfunctional beliefs.
If you ignore destructive emotional states and thoughts, you will not be honest even with yourself. You will enthusiastically promise another person something you cannot deliver, lie.
The solution
Prepare.
No, not the “tactical empathy,” a manipulation bullet points to extract trust from an enemy.
Your state of mind.
Full cleanup. Any unwanted emotion or thought that brings up tension has to go.
Go, as in — not arise during a conversation, email, or any engagement.
If unwanted reactions arise that means root causes are still there, and have been triggered. And your “trust-building” is led by your dysfunctional beliefs, “the punisher” is unleashed. Consequences follow.
So prevent. Reframe the causes. Use the state of mind and arising tensions as guidance.
Anger and fear are the top offenders. However, if you are doing it for the first time — be sure, there is more. Check the “Merry-go-round” of reactions connected to both this person and your personal history.
A human being framing
“A boss”, “team member,” “an employee,” and “a direct report,” — are all labels with strings attached. You are responsible for minding and reducing the impact.
Would you trust your boss if he or she does not see a human being in you, but a tool?
Remind yourself, that you are engaging with a free human being who is equal to you. And free.
Better, really meditate on it. Activate your compassionate side and keep it a priority.