How to lead with EI – 5 expert tips
1. Know yourself
The only way to really know yourself is to clear your self-awareness “lens” — reduce emotional obscurations, conscious and, more importantly, unconscious biases.
Otherwise, whatever part of yourself you are looking at – your mental “lens” will skew the interpretation of what you see.
How do you clear “the lens”?
Find effective mind training frameworks and achieve a sustainable balance/clarity. Follow breadcrumbs of emotional responses and thoughts that expose misconceptions and rewire them. Unlearn layers of misappropriated roles and someone else’s desires. This is how you gradually get to know yourself.
2. Know your team
You do not know your team unless:
- You know yourself first (point 1)
- Your emotional responses to your team members are constructive
- Your implicit [destructive] motivations are cleared
- There are no mutual negative proclivities with your team members
If successful, your empathy will not be replacing others’ perspectives and feelings with your own projections.
If either of these 4 factors is missing, your knowledge and resulting [positively looking/”well-meant”] engagements may be perceived as disingenuous and undermine trust.
3. Communicate effectively
Communication is effective if your genuine motivation behind it is constructive (and your self-awareness is accurate/not obscured).
The team is usually very good at discerning lies from genuine emotional appeals. Even if team members don’t show it right away.
A simple litmus test is your emotional investment – the state of mind, arising thoughts and emotions.
Your balance and positive motivation verify integrity. Ensure constructive engagement without ulterior motives.
4. Prevent stress
Stop wasting time on quick fixes (distractions and suppressing symptoms) and start preventing stress. Learn how to reframe/clear stressors so they cannot disturb your cognitive abilities tomorrow.
If you are still getting stressed – your current practice is ineffective. Find the mind training framework that works.
5. Lead by example
Don’t model/demonstrate. Be.
What happens when you play an “Emotionally Intelligent leader” (but really don’t feel like it)? Demonstrate positive behaviors while experiencing not-so- positive emotions.
You may get tactical wins but lose strategically.
Even if you are successfully faking it, you are under the influence. Consequences will follow.
The integrity is how you actually feel/think. As soon as your intention is to “motivate by example” instead – you lost it.
