Blaming vs. holding accountable
Blame yourself or someone and the door is shut. This devaluing label of guilt denies a chance to change. It does not help to hold people accountable. Blame is a blinding verdict that ignites an asymmetric destructive response. We cannot engage with a human being based on reason, and foster an effective change.
But if we look closer — there is no “blame.”
What is “blame”?
Suppose an event has occurred that our current worldview and emotions portray as “negative”:
- someone else was “unjust” to us
- or we have been far from perfect…
What happens next?
It is not just a neutral “this person is responsible/I am responsible” thought we are dealing with. A web of connected internal issues gets triggered: anger, offense, anxiety, psychological dependency on morals, perfection, previous unresolved conflicts, traumas, etc. We are often not aware of our obsolete views and emotions that make the situation and the person responsible look unjust, wrong. Our agitated unforgiving consciousness does not want to see a human being, a wider picture or other causes. It creates a “wrongdoer” inherently worthy of “blame”. Basically, a license to devalue the target and justify mental violence, and disproportionate response.
Blaming someone goes far beyond acknowledging their responsibility. Instead of acting constructively, holding someone accountable based on reason, cooperating in promoting change, we unleash our destructive emotions and aggressive responses. Based on artificial, non-existing “blame”…
Blame deprives us of an ability to change
It is easy to simply react, put a blame label and deny someone (or ourselves) a chance to change. Devalue to a “bad” person instead of helping a “good” person overcome the causes of “bad” deeds. Forgiving is not about corrupting someone by not holding them accountable for their actions. It is about constructive motivation behind our actions, not hatred, offense or fear. Especially, if “the other person” is us. Self-blame, hating ourselves, being depressed are poor companions for becoming better us.
Unless we understand “blame” is an artificial object we ourselves created and we can dismantle. Un-seal our perception of a human being. Separate a person/us from their actions, consider internal and other causes. Which might require a bit more than changing a single “blame-people” to “don’t-blame-people” story.
We accept an unpleasant situation without blaming anyone. See it as an opportunity for development and growth. Remember that human beings can change. There are causes for their actions. If we understand them, we can work with them. Actually learn.
We clear our engagement from coinciding destructive reactions. The mind sees actual way to improve. Own the results of our actions and do the lessons learned effectively.
It doesn’t happen if we cling to the “blame” label.
Fixing corporate culture of blame
Culture relies on its carriers. The genuine motivation behind leaders’ actions and the resulting behaviors. Things can change if a human being in charge undergoes a personal change. Their derivative behaviors start relying on a systems outlook, compassion, and Emotional Hygiene to support them.
