A psychological dependency on relationships
If we struggle to build meaningful relationships, the reason may be our dependency on its unrealistic model, connected attachments, and a history of similar issues.
Do you depend on relationships [model]?
What happens when your partner or boss does not live up to your expectations? If love turns to hate and the pressure starts building up – your psychological dependency on relationships may be in play. It may also be the reason why you cannot find/build relationships and experience loneliness.
The bad news:
your mind builds and follows such unrealistic models [of the relationships] instinctively.
The good news:
you can unbuild them intentionally and restore realistic, compassion-based engagements.
Break dependency on relationships down into manageable parts and clear each:
- a mutual objectification of yourself and your counterparts
- dependency on socially accepted roles (e.g. married, in relationships, provider, have kids, etc.)
- attachments to expected behaviors and outcomes (+ fears of losing/not getting them)
- a history of negative emotional episodes in similar relationships
- connected emotions like jealousy, anger, a sense of entitlement, or even “ownership,” etc.
- self-blame, self-pity, denying self-worth, love, and compassion
Until the feeling of unimpeded love and compassion confirms – you are engaging with a human being, not a contracted role with strings attached.
Consequences of dependency on relationships
Psychological dependency on relationships makes engagements uncomfortable for both: our counterparts and ourselves. We cling to people, feel entitled to benefits derived from relationships, and expect only desired interactions. We mentally hold others accountable for any non-compliance, sometimes purely imaginary. We even preemptively “punish” them (and ourselves) for something they may never do, should our suspicions get the better of us.
Hence, our inability to build relationships, adverse or “unfair” responses of others, repetitive conflicts, frustrations, and break-ups — are often problems of our own making. Something we can fix if we subdue our uncontrolled reactions and make interactions harmonic and ecological.
Relationships of any kind
It does not matter whether relationships are romantic, business, or social ones. We can have a relationship with a person, a group of people, or the world. Our mind considers all connected benefits, problems, pleasures, sensations, comforts, financial gains and losses, memories of past interactions, future plans, expectations, dreams, etc.
People avoid toxic relationships
Our counterparts save themselves by escaping from relationships charged with destructive emotions. They feel the pressure, shrinking freedoms, escalating tensions should they cross the boundaries we have imposed. Their “unexpected” adverse actions are natural and valuable feedback we can use to improve. A mirror we can use to locate emotions not yet reachable for our awareness.
PS
“Loneliness” does not exist
“Loneliness” is a name for an aggregate of emotional symptoms like fear, self-pity, sadness, jealousy, the feeling of being unfairly treated by the world or other person, mental attacks on unwanted present and future, longing for the past, etc. Our subjective dependency on “someone” dictates the stream of mental activity we label as loneliness. If we deconstruct it, locate and cease the emotions comprising it — loneliness “vanishes”.
