It does not matter if you simply missed a turn while driving, or the magnitude of the unwanted event is universal. The virtual reality of your mind has already labeled it “a failure,” and started producing destructive emotions and thoughts.
The simple “If you can help it – why worry? If you cannot help – why worry?” is of little help. The mind is on autopilot. It blocks its own ability to learn, limits creativity and vital cognitive abilities.
Misconception of failure and supporting causes
You need to address the misconception of “failure” and supporting internal causes. Replace dysfunctional perception and responses with equanimity and “failing” constructively.
Start with improving your understanding: failure is “not meeting a desirable or intended outcome.”
Investigate what outcomes and expectations are influencing you now.
Check if any of the following issues are active:
– clinging to expectations
– attachments to specific outcomes (e.g. money, achievements, etc.)
– fears of negative outcomes, future failures
– jealousy, comparison with others
– clinging to personal infallibility, perfection
– dependency on the “fairness” of the situation
– dependency on promises, dependability, trustworthiness
Self-compassion to replace:
– self-pity
– self-doubt
– self-dissatisfaction
– artificial labels like “effective performer,” “winner/loser”
– any mental aggression towards yourself
Reframe past experiences of failures
that still give rise to the destructive reactions above and may still be governed by obsolete framing.
Repeat the reframing process until focusing on the current “failure” gives rise to no destructive reactions.
The feeling of joy, gratitude and calm confidence arises instead.
Future “failures” will not be experienced as such, but as valuable, exciting lessons.
True resilience is not overcoming negativity, it is not experiencing negativity when things don’t go our way.