You think the balance of the universe is not in your favor.
Jealousy sees your glass as less full and forces the mind to fight the ”unfair” situation.
But instead of simply filling your glass, being patient and productive until you get there, you spend your energy on destructive reactions.
If this glass is important, thoughts and emotions may lead to harmful actions and aggression.
- Jealousy attacks anyone with a glass more full
- It fears your glass can be taken away, lose its benefits, or otherwise stop serving you
- If jealousy targets a person, it tries to impose full control over them, own them, hates them for their free will, and punishes them for non-compliance
- It makes you resent the unfair world, and even divert aggression towards yourself
Jealousy fuels your anger, fear, and the full specter of unhealthy responses. They undermine your well-being, vitals, and your chances of filling the glass.
How to prevent jealousy
Investigate the causes of jealousy in each situation. These are your outdated beliefs and accumulated habits. Reframe the beliefs and practice new habits until jealousy no longer arises. It is replaced with the freedom to choose a constructive response.
Start with a better understanding.
What is jealousy?
An exclusive claim of ownership. Only I can have it and no one else. I will reap all the benefits. They are to remain inexhaustible.
Wikipedia quotes “a relative lack of possessions or safety” as a cause of jealousy. “Relative” to your subjective perspectives — misconceptions.
Examples of such mistakes of perception:
- Money
I see it as an absolute good, a measurement of my personal worth. These are dysfunctional beliefs that make jealousy my inevitable response to anyone with more money. - Relationships
I do not see a free human being, but a “partner” who “owes me” relationship benefits (sex, comfort, no loneliness, etc.). I am jealous if they even look in the wrong direction.
A web of causes
A primary misconception is often supported by connected issues and unprocessed memories.
For example:
- misconception about money can be magnified by negative memories of past hardships
- objectification of a partner – by psychological dependency on sex or other expected benefit
- current reaction – by the habit of jealousy in response to “my glass is less full” situations in the past
A successful jealousy reframing will require addressing each of such supporting causes.
Break down into manageable components
Let’s look into common destructive reactions that comprise jealousy. What causes each of them? How can you change these responses to constructive ones? See the situation from a compassionate, more objective perspective.
1. I strive for my glass to be more full than someone else’s
I may destructively engage with the situation, and overstep healthy boundaries to achieve this. The goal is not to satisfy the need or be equal to others. It is to get more. Or everything.
Striving to fulfill a wish or satisfy a need is natural. Unless my motivation is destructive, formed by:
- exaggerated desires, benefits I am attached to
- the need to be higher than others
- the role of a winner, etc.
Reframing:
- I am always worthy, and complete, even if my wishes are not fulfilled, or someone has more.
If a supporting cause needs reframing, I address it too.
2. I wish others’ glasses were less full than mine
Or even empty.
Reframing:
- Other human beings are equal to me, they deserve what they have, as do I.
- I rejoice in the good fortune of other human beings and do not wish them harm.
3. I wish others suffer for the fuller glasses
Such people better not exist at all. If they do, something bad needs to happen to them so my jealousy is temporarily satisfied.
Reframing:
- Other human beings are equal to me, they deserve what they have, as do I.
- I rejoice in the good fortune of other human beings and do not wish them harm.
4. I think less of others to compensate
If others have more money, I will belittle them for being less attractive or moral. Anything – to feel higher.
Reframing:
- other human beings are equal to me
- they can not be lower or higher than me because of anything
5. I hate the unfair world
The world did not give me enough. I am entitled to having more than others. This is why the world is bad and unfair. In retaliation, I am depriving it (and everyone in it) of my love and compassion.
Reframing:
- the world is good
- the laws of the universe are the same for everyone and treat everyone equally
- I accept this with full heart, without negative reactions
- I preserve my love and compassion for the world and everyone in it
6. I think less of myself
I am inferior to others, incapable, and incomplete because my glass is less full.
Reframing:
- I am always worthy, and complete, even if my wishes are not fulfilled, or someone has more.
Summary
You remind yourself that there is no imbalance in the universe. Your unintentional misinterpretation can and must be disputed and reframed. This is how you ensure the freedom to choose a constructive response.
Please mind, you are not learning the new framing, but restoring your natural, compassionate perspective. Unlearning the layers of mistaken beliefs you unintentionally accumulated.
To recap:
All human beings are equal and free. Your desires and needs are no higher or lower.
Your Maslow’s pyramid is at the same level as someone else’s.
Framing based on systems, compassionate perspective:
- I am always worthy, and complete, even if my wishes are not fulfilled, or someone has more.
- Other human beings are equal to me, they deserve what they have, as do I. They can not be lower or higher than me because of anything.
- I rejoice in the good fortune of other human beings and do not wish them harm.
- I cannot control, or “own” a human being, he or she is free.
- The world is good. The laws of the universe are the same for everyone and treat everyone equally. I accept this with full heart, without negative reactions. Preserve my love and compassion to the world and everyone in it.